As a life coach, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a client in front of me explaining in great detail how toxic, abusive, or loveless their marriage is, and how much they want to leave. Then I hear, “I can’t leave because of the kids.”

My skin crawls when I hear someone say that to me. I think the excuse, “I can’t leave because of the kids” is the biggest lie you could ever tell yourself. It’s also a horrible position to put your kids in, not to mention a terrible burden to put on your kids.

To say you can’t leave your toxic, abusive marriage because you need to stay because of the kids is so wrong on so many levels. On one hand you’re saying, kids, I have to stay miserable and suffer this abuse because of you. On the other hand, you’re showing your children exactly what love isn’t. By staying in a loveless marriage, you’re modeling unhealthy. You’re displaying toxic dysfunctional behavior that they’re sure to repeat when they grow up. You’re doing your children a huge disservice by staying in an unhealthy relationship. You are setting the wrong example, and you’re doing more harm than good, trust me.

A parent’s job/responsibility to their children is to teach them how to be a healthy adult. You’re supposed to teach your children right from wrong. You’re supposed to set a good example. Well, it’s important to set a good example of how to love, receive love, and how to be in a healthy loving relationship. If you’re in a loveless, unhealthy, or toxic abusive marriage, consider the example you’re setting for your children. Are you teaching your children people who are married are kind, loving, affectionate, and resolve conflict in a healthy manner? Or, are you teaching your children people who are married are cold, distant, aloof, and sarcastic with one another? Even if you try to fake it, kids can detect what’s really going on. They say 93 percent of communication is nonverbal, so even if you think you’re putting on a good act, you’re not fooling anyone.

If you do it right, believe it or not, divorce isn’t the worst thing that could happen to your kids. A friendly divorce is possible and highly recommended. Nothing good comes from being nasty to one another and using your children as pawns.

Are you in an unhappy unhealthy marriage? Has it been hard for you to leave for one reason or another? Are you worried that divorce will destroy your children and their sense of security? Divorce doesn’t have to get ugly, and it doesn’t have to be devastating to your children. If you’d like to learn more listen to my radio show Sunday morning at 11:00 a.m. on WDLR 92.9 FM or 1550 AM, or can contact me at www.LoveLifeWithTamie.com.